There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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