Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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