It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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