Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
