Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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