so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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