i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
