At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
