People in love make me want to vomit
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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