The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
