I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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