: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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