My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They took my balls.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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