Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize