he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
