haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
