I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize