My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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