So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
