I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
