he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
