Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
