Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
