Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
