why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
