you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
