My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
