I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
