i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
