I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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