this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
