the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
