Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
