dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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