you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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