Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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