I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
