The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
