Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
