question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
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