He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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