How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
