dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
