So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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