You can't special order awesome
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
