I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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