help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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