Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
