I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
one two three fourrrrnication!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
