More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
