Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
