I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
