how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
