I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Be still, my beating vagina.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
