No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sorry my hands just texted you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
