So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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