Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
