Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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