I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
