rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
