Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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