You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We have started to decorate penises.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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