you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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