If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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