Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
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His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize