True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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