my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
