We won't sleep together?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She even gives head with a lisp.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
